Tag Archives: Recovery

Acceptance – That Was Easy!

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 And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. (The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 417)

These words are perhaps the most spoken in 12 step programs. To recognize and embrace the seemingly simple concept (that acceptance is the key to freedom from compulsion) is the seed from which many crops of recovery have germinated – it allows addicts to buy in to the idea that they are not in charge of the show. If acceptance were  simple, perhaps there wouldn’t be so many drunks and addicts in the world. Plainly put, if it were easy, even I would be able to do it. For me to do so, would be to give up much of the bedrock of my previous existence.

From early on, I have never believed much of what anyone told me. This started with the beginning of the end of my religious training. Back around the age of ten, a religious-school teacher taught the class the differences between theism, atheism, and agnosticism. I chose agnosticism immediately, which the teacher had defined as “a person who could believe in God if someone could prove to him that God existed.” Although not a textbook definition, it is close enough for me and, frankly, what I believe today.

Following fairly soon thereafter and coupled with this, were the words of a favorite middle-school English teacher who told us: “Question everything!” At a very simple level, she meant for us to take nothing at face value. This included what we heard on the news, read in books, or heard from our teachers. I embraced her ideology and clasped it to my bosom.

Since then, I have pretty much lived my life with the mantra in my head: “Prove it.”Better yet, I really felt that I would prefer to prove you wrong. I would not believe anything without already knowing to a certainty that it was factually correct or until after I had researched sufficiently to prove it to myself. This proclivity never endeared me to my fellows or to those in authority

There I was and here I am; not much has changed. However, through my readings, therapy, and conversations with my friends in the program, I am slowly learning to accept things at face value. I know that I cannot change people, places, and things. Through my therapist, a Eucharistic Minister, I once saw an unworldly aura that makes me hope that, perhaps, one day I may believe in God.

The AA program is about progress not perfection. I am making progress in my recovery and I will continue as long as I can remember that acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.

Peace out,
M

What if Sobriety Sucks?

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Fairly recently I heard a man speak about his biggest fear as he contemplated becoming a recovering alcoholic. It wasn’t about whether he could get clean or not. It wasn’t about whether he would fit in at meetings or with those in the fellowship itself. No, as the title of this post suggests, he was most worried that his new life without alcohol and drugs would not be as fun as his life had been when he was drinking and drugging.

Let’s face it, a lot of what we were doing was fun, at least it was for me, until it wasn’t fun anymore. For a good while partying is fun. Isn’t it? It’s somewhat tough to “party” when you’re aren’t drinking and drugging though. Go to a club or rock concert and drink soda? How about at a baseball park? I’ll have a hot dog and a beer…oops, lemonade. No weed at the Jimmy Buffet concert? Wow, that sounds like heck of a good time. I want to be a sober parrot head! Unlikely, I think.

Well, as he and I have learned, being sober is fun. I tended to isolate when I was drinking and drugging anyway so the social aspect of AA is much more fun than sitting in my home office with the door locked and hoping that everyone would leave me alone. My friends in AA call or text me, I attend meetings and talk to people there. Sometimes, I even go to AA social events and, well, socialize.

Are there places I won’t go and people I won’t see any more because they would suck sober? Absolutely! The fact is that I can’t remember how many concerts I went to that I can’t remember. So why not go to a rock concert sober? Why not go to the ball game sane? It’s all about living life on life’s terms and not having to worry about where the next drink or drug is coming from. That’s the fun, in my opinion. Not the headaches I used to get, the bloody snot I blew out of my nose every day, nor the vast sums of money gone from my bank account.

Yeah, I’ll take the fun of a sober life over the only perceived fund of drugs and the drinks any time. To me, sober is where the fun is; being drunk and high just isn’t fun anymore, in fact it sucks.

Peace out,
M

Time Takes Time

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In A.A., time is often paradoxical. However much we strive for long-term sobriety we are truly only sober for “one day at a time.” Yet, early in my sobriety, a woman sharing in an open meeting opined that, “Time takes time.”

Some of those in the meeting looked at her quizzically, others with mirth; many rolled their eyes at her. Her seeming truism amused all of us in the hall and gentle laughter ensued while her face blushed red with embarassment. Of course, time takes time; how could it not? The statement was painfully obvious. She moved on to speak of other things, but what she said lingered in my mind well past the end of the meeting.

Looking back on it, I can’t possibly know what she meant in speaking this seemingfaux pas, but I have thought on it long enough to know what it means to me. Newly sober individuals look to those who have long-term sobriety in the program as role models and mentors. Therefore, in a very simplistic way (and one that will suffice for now), the reference to time is really a reference to the experience, maturity and sobriety gained in working their program along with the long-term sobriety they have attained.

Put in this perspective, the words ring true and relevant despite the initial laughter that greeted the phrase. The more time we have in the program, the more time we give to our program, the more we give back to others in the program, the more likely we are to succeed in a deep and long-term sobriety. There is no doubt then that time really does take time.

Peace out,
M