There is a cycle going on in this world, a never ending chain of events.
Some of us come from nice “normal” homes and seem to have lived a “charmed” life.
But even with all of the advantages fell into alcoholism and/or drug addiction.
Our respective “disease’s” know no boundaries and no matter where we come from or who we were raised by it can attack anyone at anytime in their lives.
As children many of our parents afflicted with the disease projected their issues upon us and as did their parents upon them.
Just like hatred and racism even obesity children learn what we teach them.
I dragged them through about a zillion moves,schools and bad choices in men.
I took them to parties and involved them in situations they never should have been a part of.
I hate it when I mention that I have really screwed up my kids and well meaning people will say “oh don’t beat yourself up” or
“It’s not your fault”
Ummmm….YES IT IS !
MY choices and MY behavior is what continued the chain of sickness that I brought with ME into THEIR lives…
I can not move forward if I do not accept responsibility for MY actions.
I myself abandoned my kids for the streets for three years in the last years of my bottom before I joined a fellowship program.
They heard a lot of awful things about their mother while I was out there and now I have to fight against those words and change their perspective of me.
As a recovering addict and parent of three I have decided that enough is enough and have aggressively attacked the spread of my illness in two out 3 of my children. My oldest I did not raise and she is married and happy. My other two are my crosses to bare…
Will I become a perfect parent?? By all means NO ! There is no such thing, but am I being pro-active in getting help for my children??
YOU BETCHA !
Now, I have a son whose birthday happens to be 4-20…and he is now 18. His father is no roll model and really there is no one for him to look up to as a positive male influence. With him I missed a window of opportunity and guide him as best I can with the tools I learned by working a program. But I still enable him so a sickness still prevails in our relationship.
My youngest daughter just turned 15 and is my “mini me” she has all the trait’s that I had at that age and it scares me to death to watch my old behaviors become hers.
This one I have more control over and can manipulate into some recovery situations that I can not with my son.
She has had no choice but to participate in family counseling and I have them come to my home. As unlikely as it would seem my son creeps into these sessions even though he does not have to. This tells me he does not really want to follow the same path as his father and I.
Today I lead by example and yes a bit of coercion.
I find reasons to be out with my daughter just before a meeting and tell her I have no choice but to take her with me. And she is generally cool with that.
I involve her in my service projects and look for every community resource available in my area to get her help.
At this very moment she is in the middle of the Everglades on an Outward Bound Expedition, in a canoe for 20 day’s with several other girls her age.
Just about the hardest thing I have done so far with one of my kids but tough love is just that tough love !
Today I am at a point in my recovery where it’s not all about me.
Today I have to do something about the wreckage I have caused in the lives of my children.
Today I will work on breaking the chain !
Simply_Sandra
