Category Archives: in the rooms

Nothing Good Ever Happened in a Bar

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Glittering generalities was one of the seven main propaganda techniques identified by the Institute for Propaganda Analysis in 1938 (http://library.thinkquest.org/C0111500/proptech.htm, Retrieved 10/09/2011 @ 2:14 PM)

Nothing good ever happened in a bar.

How’s that for a glittering generality? I heard the thought in question, at a meeting on 10/8/2011 at the No-Frills meeting of the Friendship Center in Derry, NH. A group of us who knew each other from a secret Facebook group for AA (so clandestine that if I told you the name I would have to kill you) went to this meeting in order that we could actually meet each other and put faces to the avatars on our Facebook accounts.

I wrote the saying down with the idea that it was a great statement and made total sense, worthy of amplifying from this bully pulpit. However, reason sank in when I began to try to add some meat to its bones.

The fact is that good things do happen in bars. I’ve heard great music in bars, met awesome people, watched exciting sports events, eaten delicious meals, enjoyed laughter and camaraderie with my peers, danced the night away with abandon (and my wife), and so forth.

I know that many bad things have happened in bars, both to others and me. Many of us have sown the seeds of driving under the influence, vehicular homicide, destruction of property, domestic violence, adultery, and other poor and criminal behavior. The good thing is that I no longer have to worry about engaging in any of the above while under the influence because I just don’t drink today. However, many people (shall we call them normal?) have had wonderful things happen in bars without the attendant bad things that could have happened and didn’t.

We need be careful of glittering generalities; propaganda is always propaganda, even when it seems to make sense. Question everything and then decide for yourself. Debate principles of various programs vis-à-vis what books state, what people say and even your own thoughts on any given day. Examine and reexamine as you move forward; a meaningful idea must have more than thought behind it – a fact isn’t a fact unless we have good evidence to back it up. Avoid the use of “no one,” “nothing,” “never,” “all” and “every” to the extent possible.

The idea that the Twelve Steps of AA or NA (or any other step program) is sacrosanct, an immutable law of life, is simply untrue. The only part of our recovery we need to do perfectly is to stop doing what is ruining or killing us (times however many things we are doing that we ought not to do). The rest may or may not apply as we grow within and through our own recovery program. Everyone’s program is different, just as is everyone’s journey to and through sobriety.

The truisms that guide us are not always as “true” as we might think. Whenever you hear something in the halls and think, “That’s a wonderful concept, a real chestnut to keep for another day,” perhaps you might be best to think, “That’s a chestnut for another day, but before I eat it, let me roast it and see how it tastes after I’ve had it cooking for a while.”

Peace out,
M
In Recovery Facebook Page

A Change Will Do You Good

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If you don’t change, you won’t change.

Here’s another truism from the halls of A.A. (see Time Takes Time) that, on its face, seems to say  little beyond its very words (hence, a truism). However, to us alcoholics and addicts it says a lot more about how we learn to live day in and day out without resorting to our various predilections.

I heard someone voice this today and then I ruminated on it for a while before deciding to bring it to your attention. Therefore, as usual, you are probably wondering why I chose to do so.

The answer is simply this: It doesn’t matter how much we want to get sober or be a better person or attend meetings or work the program, if we don’t commit to change, we won’t ever change. It’s like the adage, “The definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Change is easy to talk about doing but difficult to achieve because, for the most part, we resist change, even change beneficial to us, to our families, and to our work environment. In order to affect change, we have to want to change. In order to want change we must be willing to  accept (amazing how much that word keeps popping up, ain’t it?) change. This brings us back to the beginning of the premise that  to change requires change. Accepting change equals wanting change.

Acceptance of change, therefore, is the answer to our prayers. Until we accept that we cannot move on to a fruitful and rewarding life without making changes in our attitudes, and ourselves, we cannot truly change. If we don’t change, we won’t change. That’s my .02¢, anyway.

Peace out,
M
In Recovery Facebook Page

The Sunshine of the Spirit

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It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. (Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, p. 66)

Last Saturday, during a gratitude meeting, I watched the Secretary scream at another man who had interrupted him on several occasions. It appeared to me that the man who interrupted was drunk, mentally impaired or both. After the Secretary screamed at him a second time, the man left and did not come back. Many in the meeting felt that the Secretary was out of line. Some bore resentment toward him for lashing out, feeling he could have handled it a lot better. I was one of them.

Fast forward to two nights ago, the Secretay from the previous meeting was at a Step Meeting. We had just finished reading Step 1 when another drunk spoke out about his horrible life and his desire to get clean. While he was speaking, he was dropping F-bombs left and right. This caused the Secretary to become upset once again, interrupting the drunk as he spoke by banging on the table on several occasions, while yelling , “Watch your language!” This drunk man also left the meeting after being admonished.

Those who were there felt that it might have been better to listen his thoughts instead of worrying about which words he was using to convey them. Once again, many of those at the meeting thought his table banging and speaking out against the language was out of line; he became the subject of further resentment. I was again one of them.

Although I had seen him several times since, I decided I didn’t want to speak to him or even acknowledge his presence. He died of a heart attack this evening.

Resentment is a horrible thing; nothing good has ever come of it or ever will. A man who helped a lot of AA’s is dead and I feel horrible. Resentment hurts those who bear it and those who bear its brunt. It is difficult to have spirituality and tranquility when you harbor grudges, even though they may seem well founded at the time.

In AA, they say, “Let go and let God.” Though I don’t believe in a theistic world, I do believe that there is something bigger than I am. For now, I choose the Fellowship of AA to represent my higher power. Despite my lack of belief in a particular deity, I am beginning to understand that when we let go of resentments, we allow something holy to enter our lives. Letting a little bit of God into our lives gives us peace, hope, serenity and the fruit of another lesson from the halls of AA.

Peace out,
Jeff M