Following is a guest blogger post by Steven Becker. I hope you will enjoy reading his perspective. Biographical details, along with a link to his book, are at the end of the post.
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Today someone I follow on Twitter asked if there’s any type of treatment center or specific program known to effectively treat ‘dry drunk’ syndrome. I thought this might be something worth writing about. I’ll preface this by saying that although I have ten years of recovery I’ve never been told whether or not my view aligns with program-approved material. So far it’s simply my view of the situation.

Life is full of experiences and opportunities to choose what we believe, but most people experience something, see it, and form their belief so fast that they don’t realize we have a choice. We can either choose healthy beliefs or unhealthy ones. The clearest example I can think of is someone who’s lost a loved one in an accident. After such an event it’d be natural to have a fear of losing another loved one. From that point forward we can choose to cling to those we love, or we can choose push them away and not let ourselves get attached. A third option is to accept that loss will inevitably happen, plan appropriately, but give ultimate control of the outcome to a higher power.

In my experience, the general public seems to think that the term codependent refers only to the overprotective/clingy/needy person; many fail to recognize people who avoid commitment are on the flip side of the same coin. Being independent is great but if you take it too far independence can also become irrational. The third belief takes the middle road; it neither clings nor pushes away. Expanding from this one example I started to see codependence as a broader topic that could cover any number of beliefs about what a healthy relationship is – some of them healthy, some of them unhealthy and/or illogical.

My experience with ‘dry drunks’ has been that they’ve eliminated their drug of choice but they’re still living their lives by certain rules. These belief systems still retain flaws of logic that they’re not ready, willing, or capable of letting go of. They expect things of themselves and others based on these beliefs. Anxiety, anger, and frustration come when reality doesn’t match what they expect. Maybe for some their drug was the main problem, but for me the drug was just used as self-medication to cover the conflict between my beliefs and reality. It’s not enough that I stop medicating – until I go further and examine my beliefs and expectations about life and relationships I’m only addressing one part of the problem. This is the searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves mentioned in Step Four. The inventory isn’t just about what I’ve done – it’s also about what I believe.

To me, the term ‘dry drunk’ refers either to someone who sees their drug of choice as the sole source of their troubles and hasn’t yet chosen to take that look in the mirror, or maybe someone who has accepted some responsibility but not enough. To answer the question in my first paragraph: I don’t believe there’s any other program needed to treat ‘dry drunk’ syndrome. All that’s needed is to commit to work my existing program. Facing these issues is at the heart of all the programs, AA, NA, CoDA, OA, GA, etc. It’s covered in Step Four and in the following quote:

“I need to concentrate not so much what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.” – Bill W.

Steve Becker is a recovering addict with 10 years in his program. To give back to the community he’s written A Guide To The Recovery Toolbox, a reference guide with over 80 of “the tools” we often hear about in our programs. He can be found at his blog, www.RecoveryBookPress.com.